Valentine and Me... !

Valentine's Day; Image Courtesy -happyvalentine2014.com 

After the year long wait of lovers the much awaited Valentine's Day is here. Like any other season of festivities, valentine's day through its years of unadulterated efforts and publicity have managed to confirm itself the much sought after position in the calender of youth brigade. Indeed the fervor of the day is such that today I don't feel like diluting my emotions with sarcasm. Most people would think that I loathe being single on this day. Well the fact remains that it’s hard denying the truth. I have been feeling the same since years now, even in the brief period when I felt something like love in my life.

I request, please keep your "aawwws" aside, cause feeling love does not entail that you've actually felt the emotion called "Love". Valentine's Day celebration brings back to me the memories of the various V-days that cajoled me in different phases of my life.

From slapping a guy for his over enthusiastic romantic demeanor who brought for me a king size V-day card at my door steps on 9th standard, to silently sighing for someone special to give me the prettiest of the gifts in my 10th standard, the day successfully ascended in its the level of desire with my growing age.

College days brought along with it an unfelt surge of emotions. The V day for me now metamorphosed into one such day when I could hang around with my big gang of single buddies ransacking the malls and participating in couple dance with your best buddy's would be BF (knowing d fact that the person had all intentions to woo me my most famous horns went out of control and peeped out just a little). Partying was the mantra. But again amidst all I longed for that someone special to enter in my life. 

Years rolled by like that in fairy tales. I admit life isn't such romantic always. Today after successfully completing my academics I am having a much unwanted rendezvous with the risen levels of anticipations surrounding Valentine’s Day. Watching my little sister save money and take very undisputed loans from me for getting a gift worthy of her emotion makes me feel that something indeed is missing from my Life. Normally I hate being a part of the crowd and my normal self would always deter from enduring expressions that pertinently drag me all the way amidst the chaos of not very unique blend of Homo sapiens. Yet more than love, V Day is a feeling my dear, that does not spare even the harshest of all unromantics and very self proclaimed “nothing but ambitious” sort of me.

So here I am sans BF, sans romance logging in to my FB page and wondering how it would feel probably to see my names also pop up in one of those typically romantic Valentine's Day wishes update. Mundane ...... I Know... But Happy Valentine's Day.....!!!!!

Frivolous Valentine...!

Valentine's Day; Image Courtesy - www.bioinformaticsinstitute.org

Its becoming harder than ever to open my mouth without blabbering over the ever persistent nuisance surrounding the mal - progressive career prospects of mine. But let's not delve into the details of my unepigrammatic surge of emotions particularly for this post, instead let's adhere to the unusual!

Valentine fervor almost made crushing entry into my life, vehemently opposing every endeavor to combat its contamination. The so called "level-of-romance" is soaring high in its efforts to cajole me. Well to add on to my woes in multitude, it's efforts are not getting wasted. My ears are darning to the tune of some unseen fantasy. To express in the truest of terminologies, obedience to such very 'teen age like' emotions seem palpably attractive once in a while. I hate this pseudo-love effect rippled by the extravagant commercial promotions surrounding this day. 

It is not something that I do very often, but I confess that my life has become mechanical. The late realization of today being the very overly rated "the rose day" made me feel within an adrenaline rush. I wonder how my sense of practicality successfully dethroned the childlike fondness within me? ...This thought  would sound to many as it is straight from the mouth of a very promising candidate who occasionally pukes such delightfully frustrated remarks! 

The feeling brought along the much awaited refreshment which sparked fragrant sprays to my stinking frustrated soul. The emotion endowed with the mirth of happiness, served with a tinge of innocence and garnished with few ounces of romance brought forth my eyes a "Never to be true image" of some hot hunk... Hmmm feels delicious... !!!!

Now what M I supposed to dooooooooo???????

Image Courtesy: www.bioinformaticsinstitute.org

A new day ransacked my life and it's sudden effect is dwindling my senses amidst the garbage of improbability. Being a girl just out of my Master degree sans proper job, sans proper boy friend...ooops that should be any boy friend ....I am very much falling short of any justifications to not to get my arse down to achieve my "self proclaimed aspirations". The skyline which I chose for myself although is a little high set, yet any possibility of not being able to achieve it will be extra demeaning and almost slaughtering my confidence to the level that the term-LOOSER will no longer be a misnomer for me.

If people reading my Blog conceives it to be the derivative of an extensively frustrated mind annoyed with the turbulence of uncertainty then Hello….. let me accept… Yes INDEED it is! I am in no mood to grant myself exclusivity from the preponderance of such peculiar yet very popular frame of mind. Yet the feeling is undeniable.

“Conflicting Thoughts”, is what juggling in my mind as of now. Bespattered with the thoughts of future and uncertainty there is a WWE match that is successfully running within my head. My dreams, aspirations and understanding are screwing each other to win over the correct path that would lead on to making the correct choice for my career. Amidst all sort of anticipations and anxiety the most crucial problem remains to find my true destination. The road that would lead me to my destination is getting blurred on a daily basis, giving way to the deviating thoughts to emerge. I want to proclaim both success and power, but the hurricane effect of juggling between available career prospects is making me feel nauseous. Do I need to reshuffle my options???????????

Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii………………….. Yea nahiiiiiiii ho sakta…….!!!!!! That is the outburst of my ardent filmy self who now blurts out almost uncontrolled every now and then reaffirming the delicate state of mind that I am going through. As a child my aspirations metamorphosed from being an army officer, to marrying one, from being a hot shot journalist to a PR and now when I Know what I want to do I am losing out of options to juggle. There is no looking back for me, because that will connote trailing back instead of walking ahead. So the end question remains very plausible …………. Philosophies have run with their ass upside down and yes if I ever get through them I would not mind attacking them.

Sheer sympathy... is what i feel for myself while the question remains unresolved.......

How am I supposed to get it???????????????